Some days I struggle. Struggle to get out of bed. Struggle to get motivated. Struggle to get energized about life. I just struggle.
In the past year and a half I significantly decreased my work load to spend necessary time working on myself. Loving myself. Healing myself. Taking care of myself. After working at full speed for four years, I finally depleted all that I could give. My tank was on empty and I was stranded in the desert; lost, tired, and confused.
I went to therapy. Took her suggestions to heart, and said, “Alright, let’s go back to the drawing board.” I quit my job and started working in retail for shits and giggles. I went part-time at a non-profit organization to lessen the stress and anxiety. I started walking a dog to get me outdoors. I asked friends to lunch, coffee, or dinner. I tried new things – paleo cooking in particular. I learned what I liked and didn’t liked, and I started to embrace the word, “No”. “No, I can’t do that today.” “No, it’s not possible.” “No, I do not want to go.”
It was a journey. Actually, it’s still a journey. I still struggle. But the days I struggle have lessen over the past year and a half. They’ve become few and far between. Not completely gone but not as prevalent as they were in 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011, or 2010. In fact, 2015 is filled with more good days than bad days. I started to take the time to enjoy all the things I had forgotten about or had lost the time to do. I finally had time to enjoy my favorite things.
… a hot cup of coffee with coconut creamer.
… warm towels straight out of the dryer.
… baseball games on Thursday nights.
… staring outside my window and watching birds sing.
… talking to an old friend like a day hasn’t gone by.
… an aimless walk down the street.
… a BBQ for friends.
… a great video game you haven’t played in years.
… a cold beer at the end of a long day.
… clean sheets on the bed.
… the breeze while tanning by the pool.
… the smell of honeysuckle on a summer night.
… taking myself out on a date.
… buying a red velvet cupcake, just because.
… singing-a-long to country music in your pajamas.
… shopping at Costco with D.
… taking photographs of nature.
… a glass of wine and a great TV show.
… listening to crickets outside my window.
… people watching.
… a cup of gelato.
… a lunch date with your BFF.
… exploring the town.
… a bath.
All of the irrelevant things I didn’t have time for – I now had time for. AND because I now had time for them, they became relevant things. Things that I wanted to do and spend time doing. Things that seemed unnecessary were actually necessary to my healing. So now, whenever I’m having a shitty day I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don’t feel so bad. (Yes, I’m quoting Sound of Music.)
Essentially, if I at least add one favorite thing into my day, my day doesn’t feel so much like a struggle. It feels more like life.
‘Til the next day.